4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
