Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
