EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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