the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
