dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
