3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
