We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
