I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
