Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
