she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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