u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
