i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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