Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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