She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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