"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
