Is it because I queefed?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
