As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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