I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
