I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
