You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
