i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
