How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
