I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
