Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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