I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
