Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
