You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
