there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize