The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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