my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
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