The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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