If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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