Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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