Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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