She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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