And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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