I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
