he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
two words: eviction party
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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