I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
