The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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