Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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