Small penises have feelings too.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
