I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
