i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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