Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
