I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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