: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
