I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
