the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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