nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
