his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
