Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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