I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
