You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize