He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
