Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
