my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
