yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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