Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
