I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
