if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize