Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
