last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
