that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
