Jerry, you need to find god
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
