You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
