that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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