I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
