Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
