someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
