I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
