you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
