I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
