I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
