Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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