I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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