Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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