She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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