You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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