eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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